Embracing the Shift – From Protector to Coach

In the early years, we are everything to our children. We are their world—their source of comfort, safety, and understanding. But as they grow, our role begins to shift. And in the tween years, that shift becomes undeniable.

1. The Art of Letting Go (But Staying Close)

One of the hardest parts of parenting a tween is learning how to step back without disappearing. They need space to make their own decisions, but they also need to know we're patiently waiting and observing in the wings ready to step in and preemptively check in when they stumble.

I had to learn that letting go didn’t mean losing them. It meant trusting that the foundation I had built in their early years was strong enough to hold them as they explored who they were becoming.

2. Creating a Safe Space for the Tough Talks

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that our tweens are going to be exposed to things we wish they weren’t.

The internet. Social media. Schoolyard conversations. They are going to hear things, see things, and experience things that will shake them. And if we aren’t there as a safe space, they will look for guidance elsewhere.

So how do we keep the conversation open?

• Listen more than you talk. Sometimes they just need to vent. Let them.

• Stay calm, even when you’re panicking inside. If they sense judgment, they’ll stop sharing.

• Be honest. If they ask something and you don’t know the answer, tell them you’ll figure it out together.

3. Becoming Their Coach

One of the biggest lessons I had to learn during this stage was that no two kids are the same. My two boys were very different—what worked for one didn’t necessarily work for the other. One needed logic and structure, while the other thrived on deep emotional connection. I had to learn the art of the dance with each of their personalities, meeting them where they were rather than where I expected them to be.

It’s a dance, if you will—sometimes leading, sometimes following, always adjusting to the rhythm of who they are becoming. Some days, they needed guidance with open arms; other days, they needed space to figure it out on their own. Recognizing and respecting their individual needs became just as important as teaching them the lessons of life. And other times, they needed a stern voice of reason—someone to remind them of boundaries, expectations, and the importance of accountability. Finding the balance between being their coach and being their authority was a challenge, but it was one worth mastering.

By the time they hit their tween years, our job is no longer about doing everything for them. It’s about teaching them how to do it for themselves.

Instead of saying, "I’ll fix this for you," we start saying:

• "How do you think you should handle this?"

• "What do you need from me? Advice, or just someone to listen?"

• "What did you learn from this experience?"

It’s a shift from protecting to preparing.

And while it’s bittersweet, it’s also beautiful. Because as we watch them step into their own, we realize something incredible:

They may be pulling away, but they are also becoming.

Just be there.

I’d love to hear from you! Have thoughts, questions, or just need another mama’s perspective? Drop me a line and let’s connect—together, we can navigate this wild journey of motherhood and figure it out one step at a time.

Love Mom

Davindia