The Heartbreak and Growth of the Tween Years

My boys are six years apart and they are very different personalities, so I was given the opportunity to live the tween years for the first time... TWICE! It's at this stage when your little one isn’t so little anymore, but they’re also not quite a teenager. It’s an in-between stage that, for me, was the most heartbreaking part of motherhood.

For so many reasons.

1. The Pull Away

I’d heard about it, I’d seen it happen to other moms, but nothing quite prepared me for the moment my child started pulling away. My oldest never batted an eye to give me or his dad a hug in front of his friends. My youngest on the other hand did show his preferences— It wasn’t dramatic—no big declaration of independence—just the little tells. The hesitation before a hug. The widened eyes at an affectionate nickname. The slow fade of our inside jokes. It hurt more than I expected.

But I had to remind myself: This is how it’s supposed to be. They are growing. They are testing boundaries. They are learning how to be their own person. And that means slowly stepping away from me.

2. The Hard Conversations

This was also the phase where I found myself having conversations I wished I wouldn’t have to have yet - or at all for that matter! Conversations about friendships, bullying, drugs, sex and "safe adults". About peer pressure and body image. About things I had wished the world wouldn’t throw at them so soon.

But the world doesn’t wait.

The conversations were hard, but they were necessary. I had to create a space where they could ask questions without fear—regardless of if the topics made me uncomfortable or not. My goal wasn’t to shield them from reality but to equip them to handle it with confidence and wisdom.

3. The Realization: Parenting Never Gets Easier

There was a part of me that thought, "Once they’re older, things will settle down. I won’t have to be ‘on’ all the time." I was wrong.

The older they got, the more they needed me. Not in the same way—no more tying shoes or cutting up food—but in a new, deeper way.

I was no longer "Mom, the protector." I became Mom, the coach.

They needed someone to help them navigate friendships, handle big emotions, and figure out who they were becoming. I had to step into the role of a life coach while still being the mom who loved them unconditionally.

And you know what? As hard as that transition was, I surprisingly was readying too. Watching them grow, seeing them start to think for themselves, and knowing that they trust me enough to turn to me when they need guidance—I was able to accept the "promotion"... being tuned into their rhythm allowed me to adjust and course correct when the time was right, and all the signs were there. The heartbreak of watching them pull away is real, but so is the pride of watching them step into who they are becoming. This phase is a delicate dance of letting go and holding on, of stepping back but staying present. And while it may not be easy, it is so, so worth it.

And that shift? It changed everything... just like it's supposed to.

I’d love to hear from you! Have thoughts, questions, or just need another mama’s perspective? Drop me a line and let’s connect—together, we can navigate this wild journey of motherhood and figure it out one step at a time.

Love Mom

Davindia