Take What Resonates, Leave the Rest

There’s no shortage of parenting experts out there—coaches, therapists, doctors, social media influencers—many of them deeply studied and well-intentioned. Most have dedicated their lives to understanding child development, family systems, emotional regulation, and healthy boundaries. And I honor that.

But here’s something I want to say clearly and without apology:

No one can tell you the right way to raise your child.

And not because their advice isn’t sound, but because they can’t possibly know the nuances of your life—the layered history of your family, your child’s temperament, your own upbringing, or what’s happened behind the scenes between conception and today. That’s deeply personal and nuanced family knowledge—it lives within you.

Your Family Is Not a Generic Formula

Guidance can be helpful. It can offer you a new lens. But it’s not gospel. It’s not law. Advice—whether it comes from a credentialed expert or your best friend—is only ever a suggestion.

It’s your job to sit with that advice and say:

“Does this resonate? Does this feel true for my family?”

Because in this case, you are the only one living inside the ecosystem of your home. You are the one interpreting the signs, the late-night fears, the quiet defiance, the wordless hugs. You’re also the one who has to confront your own triggers when your child reflects something back to you that you haven’t fully healed.

And yes, that’s the hard part.

Parenting Isn’t Passive. It’s Investigative.

Raising children—whether biological, adopted, or step—is not a passive act. It demands intention, curiosity, and courage. To do it well, we must be willing to dig into the roots of our own reactions. It requires asking hard questions, sitting with discomfort, and taking radical responsibility for how we show up—not just for our children, but for our partners, too.

I’ll be honest: I knew from a very young age that I’d need to create the kind of family I longed for. That meant not waiting for someone to hand me a playbook. I had to write my own—one choice at a time—by deciding who I wanted to be within my family.

That meant holding myself accountable.

It looks like not blaming my husband when I’m in a mood.

Not snapping at my kids when I feel overwhelmed.

Not getting mad at the guy who cut me off on the freeway. Because if I’m honest, I’ve done the very same things I judge in others.

So the question becomes: Why am I provoked?

Here are some of the questions I ask myself when I feel triggered:

• Where am I not feeling seen?

• When was the first time I remember feeling this way?

• What did I make that experience mean about me?

• If my best friend were in my shoes, would I tell her that belief is the truth of who she is?

These are the kinds of questions that help me lead with presence instead of pattern.

Because parenting isn’t just about raising kids—it’s about raising ourselves, too.

Communication Style Matters

One of the most consistent reasons I see families or relationships fracture is this: misaligned communication styles.

My husband and I are living proof. We process information completely differently. He likes to talk through things quickly—even if it’s messy. I prefer to wait until I’ve distilled what I’m actually feeling so I don’t flood the conversation with reactions.

Early on, this created a lot of confusion. He thought I was withholding. I thought he was overwhelming. But once we realized it wasn’t about right or wrong—just different—we could adjust.

He learned to give me more time to process.

I learned to name what I was experiencing in the moment, even if it was unfinished.

Sometimes I’ll say:

“ This may not come out right as I’m not sure what my truth is yet. But here’s what I’m feeling right now.” Or, “ I need a little time to process this. Let’s talk about this later tonight or tomorrow.”

And that has changed everything. It’s created space—not just for us—but for our kids too. Because as we learn to honor each other’s communication styles, we also begin to make room for our children to find theirs.

You’re the Expert in Your Family

At the end of the day, parenting is a deeply personal and evolving journey. And while the research, tools, and books are valuable, they aren’t blueprints. They are invitations—not mandates.

So whether you’re a mom, dad, stepparent, grandparent, guardian, aunt, or family friend—if you’re spending time raising, shaping, loving, and holding space for a child—you are the expert on your family.

Everyone else?

They’re just offering perspectives—windows, not requirements.

Final Thought

Take what resonates.

Leave what doesn’t.

Stay curious.

And keep doing the inner work to build the kind of family that reflects your values and vision.

Your kids don’t need you to get it perfect.

They just need you to keep showing up, honestly and with heart.

I’d love to hear from you! Have thoughts, questions, or just need another mama’s perspective? Drop me a line and let’s connect—together, we can navigate this wild journey of motherhood and figure it out one step at a time.

Love Mom

Davindia